#the desire to live in the future and work with holographic displays of all my tabs and windows and programs......man

[sarcasticmudkip]

EMBARRASSING: Self-proclaimed tech enthusiast actually impressed by apple product

[progeny-of-the-fury]

The Waltz Legacy | Part IV.2

Log date: 4/24/18

OOC Note: The text in these logs are strictly for the reader’s enjoyment. Anyone using the knowledge displayed within this text without the participant’s knowledge risks the potential of blacklisting from future communication and roleplay. Please do not meta-game!

Tags: @truth-of-the-warden @quarcyquestant

Upon our return to the estate, we took in the information we had gathered bit by bit...

Killian De'bayle arrives somewhat late, having changed and patched up the side of his face with bandages.

Quarcy Questant scrubs through the data and takes inventory of everything therein. Their operation paid its weight in tomestones.

Hestia De'bayle entered in alongside Killian, her head bandaged along with some small bruises covering her arms. "Quarcy, have you already inserted the tomestones in? Does this machine accept this sort of data?"

Quarcy Questant: "As far as holographic readers like this one goes, the reading of ‘flat’ information seems to be rather trivial. The two seems to be derived of the same technology after all. Killian I'll have you read the details yourself." Quarcy would tap the settings to read off the data in Eorzean tactile language. "Perfect, it worked."

Hestia De'bayle: "Excellent, that will make the process of breaking down this data far, far simpler," she exhales. "So..." she blinks, looking to Quarcy with a squint. "We can always just... read it aloud to him?"

Quarcy Questant: "Oh... right."

Hestia De'bayle: "Though if the system can produce braille, that might make it easier."

Killian De'bayle: "I can read it," Killian says vacantly, stepping forward. "If it's in Braille."

Hestia De'bayle: "Astrelle might have seen that Eorzean Braille was installed, if it was an option. I asked her to add whatever languages she could. This is a tactile machine."

Killian De'bayle approaches the table. "Where should I touch?"

Quarcy Questant pulled up the information on Áine from before she became a citizen and after. The two sets of information was there, along with another window dedicated to the alleged father. "Start anywhere you'd like from... here."

Hestia De'bayle: "Seems this technology does provide tactile stimuli for those sight-impaired. This way," she leads Killian over toward the station."

Killian De'bayle reaches forward first for the data in the first set, fingers left to right with perhaps surprising speed born of years of practice.

Quarcy Questant watched as a small smile formed over his face. Watching people read gave him some small pride as a librarian so seeing someone read about their life was a private joy he dared not confess.

Hestia De'bayle simply stood there with patience, her eyes reading the displayed image before her with a squint.

Killian De'bayle: "She was captured alone," Killian murmurs after a few lines. "She must not have been with any others from the expedition. She got too close to the castrum in her research, I guess...she must have realized that the Garlean presence would have an effect on the reason why she was there. She fought back...she was injured. A head injury. Slow recovery...she had visitors before Cyrus. Other medics. But he was a regular visitor after he first examined her..."

Quarcy Questant nodded. Even though this was probably not seen.

Hestia De'bayle: "Mmm."

Quarcy Questant: "Its odd having your life read back to you by a garlean case file… well, your parents' anyroad.”

Killian De'bayle: "This must have been a year at least before the battle. Maybe two. She was a prisoner for a long time before she became...a conscript, I guess, or...whatever an 'aan' is. Áine aan Vestoria. She wanted to be a citizen. She was assigned to his team of researchers...eventually became his assistant. Ahh..." Killian's expression falters. "So much for blackmail. Here's the information about her pregnancy. They didn't have maternity doctors there, but Cyrus apparently made sure she and...I...stayed healthy."

Quarcy Questant: " Now now, it was only a ruse to get him to come out "

Killian De'bayle spends a few moments more reading. His brows furrow and he pauses, then re-reads a line. "What? This can't be right."

Hestia De'bayle: "Well if she was accepted as a citizen that would have been different I suppose," she sighs, "perhaps she did it to be with him, to make things easier? Perhaps they really loved one another that much. If there is information on the pregnancy, does it have any information on potential birth defects that might have been present with the infant during the later stages of pregnancy?"

Quarcy Questant's eyes scanned over the braille but could not make out any of it. “Wh- what is it? Wait - you are the only son right?"

Killian De'bayle: "I think I need to find whoever delivered me," Killian murmurs, reading the line a third time.

Hestia De'bayle: "She and I..." Hestia repeats, "it means your mother and you, yes?"

Killian De'bayle: "No," Killian says in reply. "No...it means my sister. But not...Scarlett was older than me, I'm sure..."

Hestia De'bayle: "Your... sister?" Hestia blinks at the image of his mother, "your sister... you have a twin sister?" Her mouth opens agape.

Killian De'bayle: "Garlean technology can identify a child's gender before it's born?" Killian isn't acting nearly as surprised to learn this information as he probably should be. "A sister...I wonder if she died."

Quarcy Questant: "Or walking amongst us. Ah, more answers lead to more questions."

Killian De'bayle: "If she has half the problems I do, it would be easy to recognize her. There's no one else in Gridania like me, I'm sure of it."

Quarcy Questant: "If we approach them about a twin then they can't hide their existence, no?"

Hestia De'bayle: "I know of some who use aether that can do the same?" Hestia murmurs, "we learned of my brothers sex before his birth..." Hestia murmurs. "Though... I suppose I never learned how they did," Hestia shakes her head. "We need speak to someone in Gridania about you. There is bound to be someone there who remembers such an occasion. It is a hard thing to forget."

Killian De'bayle: "It was also a long time ago. Before the Calamity. I'll ask at the Fane for anyone who might know who delivered me."

Hestia De'bayle: "What about the conjurer's guild? The Padjal there? They have long lives, do they not?"

Quarcy Questant: " That they do. But if I may be bold to ask -- which of these concerns weigh heavier on you, a twin or a father."

Hestia De'bayle: "More importantly, did either of them have history of health issues? If not, then truly we do know the answer to why we began searching to begin with."

Killian De'bayle: "Assuming they were directly involved, sure. But most of the Padjal are...well, there's no reason for them to pay attention to a stranger's childbirth." Killian resumes his reading. "Neither," he answers Quarcy. "It says everyone was required to help with the battle, but my mother was...she was six moons pregnant then. She wasn't supposed to go. But...I guess she did. And she disappeared after the battle. They think she died there. Where's the information on Cyrus?"

Hestia De'bayle glances toward Quarcy.

Quarcy Questant drags it down to Killian's finger tips. "Here.”

Killian De'bayle traces his fingers over the translated data, finding the start and reading through that next. A long moment passes before he speaks. "It's like...they couldn't decide what they wanted him to do. Medic, research overseer...in charge of...conditioning? Conditioning conscripts. Finding suitable ones for his team. I guess he found my mother suitable and she joined with him. It doesn't say very much about their relationships...his records...he was a pureblood. He is a pureblood."

Killian De'bayle: "He survived the battle...and the Calamity...but he stayed assigned there instead of going back to the capitol. Why?" Killian murmurs. "There's nothing to suggest he was unhealthy, but...apparently the Battle for Silvertear Skies had adverse effects?"

Hestia De'bayle: "Perhaps he stayed, hoping to find her again. He knew she was pregnant with their children."

Quarcy Questant bit his fingernail. He knew this to be dangerous thinking if it turned out to be anything else than that.

Killian De'bayle: "Why did she leave if she bore his children out of love?"

Hestia De'bayle: "The battle was an intense one. He might have made her leave to get her somewhere safe... and it did not turn out for the best."

Killian De'bayle: "But if he made her leave, then he'd know she didn't die in the battle."

Quarcy Questant: "I can't help but wonder. How do you know your mother spoke fondly of your father.”

Hestia De'bayle: "That is why he is remaining then. Because he believes she may still live. We are working entirely off assumption, but I am one to look at the glass half-full."

Killian De'bayle: "We don't know, Mister Questant. It's a theory. None of this makes sense. The records show she's presumed dead after the battle."

Quarcy Questant: "Hestia it's important not to see it as just one way. There's so much indicating this story be read in another light. We don't know if she stayed out of love. If there is love at all."

Hestia De'bayle sighs. "Right," she murmurs. "Well, after all this time... we at least know that neither of them have a history of illness."

Quarcy Questant: "I - Killian, I'm sorry but even assuming one way - or the other can be considered great leaps thats too big to entertain."

Quarcy Questant: " In times like these you have to steel yourself for the worst but hope for the best "

Killian De'bayle: "There's nothing to apologize for," Killian says blandly. "What we do know is that she turned her back on her home to join Garlemald, whatever the reasons."

Quarcy Questant: "Perhaps."

Hestia De'bayle: "I suppose so," she says quietly.

Killian De'bayle: "She took a Garlean name. She tried to become a citizen."

Hestia De'bayle: "Then it ends here? Your desire to find out more?"

Quarcy Questant stayed his tongue. Even then there was so much fuel for doubt but was it necessary to be so contrarian? “You seek the truth do you not?"

Killian De'bayle: "I don't know. What more is there to find out that doesn't put us at unnecessary risk? Aside from searching for information about my sister, which I doubt will lead us any closer to learning about my mother and father."

Quarcy Questant: "Killian, it would mean putting a face on these reports and well - knowing their face at all."

Killian De'bayle turns his head toward Quarcy with a bland expression.

Quarcy Questant: "Oh - Oh. My apologies."

Hestia De'bayle sighs.

Quarcy Questant deflated like a skewered moogle balloon against the edge of the desk.

Hestia De'bayle: "We will keep this information saved then. Are we done here?"

Killian De'bayle: "There's no pressing need to make any decisions now. There's nothing we can do about that Castrum for a while."

Quarcy Questant: "Mars will keep me updated on the aftermath of our actions but it seems like the hornet's nest is buzzing for a while yet."

Killian De'bayle: "I'm going to go home, then."

Quarcy Questant: "Killian. I meant what I said..."

Killian De'bayle: "I can't see their faces. Knowing them doesn't make a difference to me."

Quarcy Questant: "I really do think people should get the chance to meet their parents."

Killian De'bayle: "Meeting my father is probably more difficult than it's worth. But I'll think on it."

Hestia De'bayle: "Quarcy," Hestia states firmly. "Allow him some time to digest this all. It is a lot to take in."

Quarcy Questant: "Very well then," Quarcy relaxed his pose. The tension in the room seemingly crimping him down.

Hestia De'bayle: "A lot happened tonight. Let us meet again once we have had time to rest, eat... sleep."

I knew I would need to appease Killian. I would simply need to find out how. With all the answers we received, were left with more questions.

[zionfvfe201]

What is Infant Yoda?

That hints that the little alien was created on Kamino at the same facility where the Duplicate cannon fodders were made, which there's a solid link between Infant Yoda's beginnings which part of the Celebrity Wars cosmos. Misattributed to Mahatma Gandhi, we have actually all listened to that prominent bumper-sticker feel good-phrase, "Be the modification you wish to see in the world." Appropriately, the Jedi shot (and in some cases fall short) to be a favorable change worldwide they inhabit. The course to producing peace and also prosperity isn't clear or constantly easy in Celebrity Wars, though inherent to the concept of the Pressure is the notion that every person's favorable or negative attitudes can and also do develop real effect on everyone's lives.

What animal is Yoda based on?

The Jedi Master Yoda was the best-known member of a species whose true name is not recorded. Known in some sources simply as Yoda's species, this species of small carnivorous humanoids produced several well-known members of the Jedi Order during the time of the Galactic Republic.

Yoda does not originally identify himself to Luke as well as rather examines his persistence by presenting himself as an amusing bayou individual, purposely provoking both Luke and R2-D2 (Kenny Baker). Luke is shocked when he ultimately uncovers that this small, eccentric creature is the effective Jedi Master he was looking for. Discovering that Luke has the very same rage and carelessness which caused his papa's failure, Yoda hesitates to instruct him the means of the Force, and also agrees only at Obi-Wan's request. Before completing his training, nonetheless, Luke selects to leave Dagobah in order to confront Darth Vader (depicted by David Prowse, articulated by James Earl Jones) as well as save his pals on Bespin.

Harley Quinn Season 2 Episode 4 Review: Thawing Hearts.

Ultimately, neither is able to overcome the other and Yoda is forced to retreat. He goes into exile on Dagobah to ensure that he may conceal from the Realm and also wait for an additional possibility to destroy the Sith. At the end of the film, it is disclosed that Yoda has touched with Qui-Gon's spirit, finding out the secret of eternal life from him and passing it on to Obi-Wan. In Retribution of the Sith, Yoda leads the Jedi Council in seeking the mysterious Sith Lord Darth Sidious. Palpatine has actually now collected near-dictatorial emergency powers, and also begins interfering in Jedi affairs by designating Anakin as his personal representative on the Council.

Is Baby Yoda the chosen one?

No, we are not leaving Baby Yoda behind. Just when he's about to ditch his tiny ward and move on, another bounty hunter tracks him to the village, meaning it's no longer safe for either of them. So they both have to leave, and we will probably never see that pretty widow again.

Yoda leaves the Jedi Holy place with R2-D2 to take a trip to Dagobah, his future house, to discover answers. Revealed puzzling visions of the loss of the Jedi, Yoda discovers he has actually been "chosen" to find out just how to materialize his consciousness after death as a Force ghost. Yoda is evaluated by a team of spirit priestesses in order to overcome tests and lures on his expedition; among these tests is to face an illusion of ancient Sith lord Darth Bane (articulated by Mark Hamill).

Why is Yoda a baby in the Mandalorian?

There is a Reddit page dedicated to calling Baby Yoda "Yiddle", a nod to both Yoda and Yaddle, a female of the same species who appeared in the Star Wars prequel trilogy. The Yiddle theory is that Baby Yoda is the product of Yoda and Yaddle.

What Does the Future Hold for Infant Yoda?

Kuill seems to referring to a product of genetic engineering.

However primarily for his cuteness, boosted by his petite dimension as well as expressive eyes and also ears.

For the lengthiest time it seemed that Yoda was the only creature of his specific types, a sort of uniquely Pressure sensitive animal.

The priestesses educate Yoda that his training will return to in time.

Or perhaps Infant Yoda and the mop child from completion of The Last Jedi are hanging out on Dagobah waiting to begin their training.

He's plainly the best surrogate uncle Child Yoda could ask for. Throughout their brief quit on the remote forest planet Sorgan, Mando and also Child Yoda spend time with some villagers that've been having problem with raiders. Seeing the children in the town coo over the charming youngster and Baby Yoda's pleasure as they all played together was a priceless view.

We do understand, however, that Yoda's species is naturally strong with the Force-- and also not just because Yoda himself had an unbelievably successful occupation as a Jedi master. Even as an infant, Baby Yoda has the power to rise a titan (and mad) Mudhorn, while the only other participant of the types to include on display, as stated earlier, was Yaddle, a female participant of the Jedi Council. The end of The Mandalorian season 2 suggests that its titular protagonist will be searching for Baby Yoda's homeworld.

The droids and also Ewoks in Return of the Jedi crawled to make sure that the porgs and ice foxes in The Last Jedi might stroll so that Infant Yoda might run (or like, float, I presume). I don't know if this is my favorite episode of the show, however it's still great, and also I believe it's the most mentally resonant until now, greater than most personality beats have remained in the live activity Celebrity Wars films, honestly. Just when he's about to ditch his small ward and go on, one more fugitive hunter tracks him to the town, suggesting it's no longer secure for either of them. So they both have to leave, and also we will probably never ever see that quite widow once again.

What is Yoda's full name?

In the story treatment, Yoda's full name was Minch Yoda, and in the first draft, he was known only as Minch.

Right now, Yoda is on Kashyyyk, managing the battle in between the Separatist pressures and a mixed command of duplicate cannon fodders as well as Wookiees. Via the Pressure, Yoda feels the fatalities of each of the Jedi as they are executed by their own troops. Inside, they uncover that all the Jedi within, younglings consisted of, have been butchered. They then discover a holographic recording, disclosing Vader as the assassin. Yoda makes a decision to deal with Palpatine, sending Obi-Wan to kill Vader.

Why is Yoda 50 years old?

The final moments of the episode reveal the asset, who turns out to be super cute. The Internet has dubbed the adorable creature Baby Yoda because he or she bears a strong resemblance to the legendary Jedi master. As an ill-fated droid informs the Mandalorian, “species age differently,” and Baby Yoda is a young 50.

Early in the episode, the child connects a hand as if attempting to make use of the Force to recover the wounded Mando, who places him back in the carrycot prior to anything can happen (we later on learn in episode 7 that Baby Yoda can indeed heal extreme injuries). When the infant raises the billing Mud Horn monster with the Force, the truth that Infant Yoda is Force-sensitive is confirmed later in episode 2. It plainly takes a lot out of the youngster, a Huge initiative of a task that would be challenging even for a grown-up Jedi. Bear in mind how Luke had a hard time to lift his X-Wing out of the swamp? Clearly it has a lot of power, and it makes good sense based upon what we understand regarding this varieties that the power might be integral in its biology.

However most of us recognize that's not how these films work, so Infant Yoda is Yoda's immoral love youngster verified. "I'm always attempting to work out why they desire us to call this personality Infant Yoda. "Possibly, that's what Favreau and also his group wants us to do is get distracted or complacent calling the personality Infant Yoda to make sure that they can shock us with one more revelation.

[carina-debayle]

House De’bayle

Log date: 6/10/17

OOC Note: The text in these logs are strictly for the readers enjoyment. Anyone using the knowledge displayed within this text without the participants knowledge risks the potential of blacklisting from future communication and roleplay. Please do not meta-game!

Tags: @halone-from-the-otherside @ishgardianknightblogging 

Carina De'bayle: "Alright, I believe that should be everyone for now," Carina nods toward all of them with a light smile, "thank you all for coming under such a short notice. However, we have some fantastic news to share with you all. With Siovants gracious service as our envoy to the Adders, we were able to get our request for land sent in and have been granted a place to finally build our house!"

Armont De'bayle looked to Siovant with a more than pleased expression.

Guillemont De'bayle glances between the Elezen on his left and his sister in law. "R-really? We uh... We actually have uh... Have land again?"

Siovant Parlemaix inclines his head lightly, dark-ringed eyes drifting shut for but a moment as his face rises again.  "Truly, all I needed to do was press the correct documents into the correct hands.  The House carries plenty of reputation on it's own." His voice drifts lightly.

Joikan Leisthelm widens his eyes with excitement, a smile pulling at his cheeks as he look to Siovant, lightly clapping his hands briefly.

Carina De'bayle: "Even so, such a small deed has brought about a far greater outcome and for that we thank you for your service in assisting us obtaining this land. Along with such though, something Armont and myself have not mentioned in the meantime due to... other more pressing matters," her voice clears, "we started construction on the house some weeks ago. The house is currently now in state where we are able to move in! Though there is still some construction left to be done for certain parts, you are all able to move into a room if you so desire to."

Astrelle De'bayle listens intently, emitting a noise of approval towards both Siovant and Carina. "Quite a surprise," she remarks with a light smile, bringing a hand to attempt clearing some of the oil dotting her face.

Joikan Leisthelm fluttered his ears as soon as she mentioned rooms, rubbing his hands together in excitement. "I can't wait to decorate!"

Armont De'bayle: "Our meetings will now take place on the top floor, while the main lobby is just as it sounds. As my wife said, it is still under construction, so the basement is barren for the time being. Once it is finished, look forward to the bakery." He said happily, his hands clasping together in front of him as he nodded slightly.

Alleria Surlaint smiles brightly "My own room....this is exciting!"

Carina De'bayle: "Even better, the house comes equipped with a fantastically large workshop," her stare falls onto Astrelle, "with the right minds at work, we could have our own airship running for travel in due time," managing to smile with somewhat more warmth to her expression, "I am sure Denz will be thrilled to hear of such, I remember hearing how much your alls mother wished for him to own one?" she nods, "while we could continue to have this meeting here, how about we go to the new estate!"

Guillemont De'bayle: "Hmm. I'll uh... I'll need to have my things moved from my apartment. I uh... I wonder if I could have some contractors replicate the layout for me..." He mutters, scratching his sideburn.

Armont De'bayle: "Aye! And you will find a training and sparing area just outside too!"

Siovant Parlemaix presses his elaborate spectacles, drawing them closer to the bridge of his hawkishly-curved nose.  "I trust that it will not be problematic for me to maintain an office in the building?  Perusing documentation for the family will certainly be quicker if I don't need to make trips to-and-fro between the barracks and the estate."

Carina De'bayle: "As much as you are employed under the Adders, Siovant, you are also apart of House De'bayle. Our house is your house to live within as well, as you hold a great part in us being there."

Astrelle De'bayle flexes her fingers absently at the mention of the workshop, the tinkering hands already looking for something work on.

Siovant Parlemaix smiles crookedly in response.  "It seems as though I have a vast amount of moving to do, in that case."

Joikan Leisthelm: "Well then! Lead the way."

Carina De'bayle splays her hands out some, "if anyone is in need of movers, we can provide. We wish to get everyone comfortably situated as soon as possible. Let us get going there to have a look, we will need to also be sure to inform those who could not make it today."

Carina De'bayle leads the group into the Shroud, eventually into the Lavender Beds. After a relatively short trip into the first ward, she strolls up to a house already fully decorated. 

"Here it is! Do not let me continue to hold you further on exploring," the Hyur motions inward.

Astrelle De'bayle: "Impressive."

Alleria Surlaint: "We already have guards?"

Joikan Leisthelm let his eyes wander over the gardening work. "Is this your work, Lady De'Bayle?"

Carina De'bayle: "Other knights of course," she nods, "along with others employed under House De'bayle within, everything you might wish for in regards to well-being can be found within the house."

Armont De'bayle: "Aye. They are both sworn Knights from Ishgard. Agrine and Evont. They will reside here if you ever need them."

Guillemont De'bayle wanders to the stables. "Hmm... I hope Muffin takes the move well."

Carina De'bayle laughs lightly, scratching a hand to her head, "well... I am quite fond of gardening in truth. When they had it put in, I spent some time here to keep my mind off of certain things..."

Carina De'bayle: "The large hedges will provide great privacy as well for those who wish to spar in the yard."

Joikan Leisthelm nods to Carina.

The group enters into the estate

Carina De'bayle: "This here is Sir Gaspard, he will take your coats and hats for you and also inform you of information like mail if you ever need to know of such," Carina motions toward the older gentleman as he bows.

Guillemont De'bayle: "I uh... I think I will keep my hat, but uh... But thank you."

Carina De'bayle: "It is mostly for guest anyhow," she laughs toward her brother-in-law. "These three make up the help-desk, they can introduce themselves in time when you come to speak to them. They offer a variety of services. Do let them know which rooms you all end up taking as they will direct all guests you may have to said rooms. For now though, this is what we have, feel free to go explore the rest of the estate on your own terms."

Alleria Surlaint looks around.

Astrelle De'bayle looks between the appointed House employees, studying them quietly before her eyes fall to Carina. "You mentioned a workshop?"

Carina De'bayle: "I did, I can show you if you'd like?"

Astrelle De'bayle: "Aye. I would like to see it."

The two women leave into the different parts of the house, Carina leading Astrelle into the grand workshop

Carina De'bayle: "Here it is... I know you an engineer of the sorts, yes?"

Astrelle De'bayle enters, eyes widening in mild awe. It was probably the most expressive she'd been in terms to elation. "..aye," she remembers to speak after a moment, eyes slowly falling to Carina.

Carina De'bayle: "Then Astrelle, I am sure no one would have issues with this being yours to work with. We will rely on you for your work in our technology. I am sure you will offer nothing but the best, Viscountess."

Astrelle De'bayle clears her throat, eyes bouncing between the walkways and large holographic projections. "..aye," she replied absently.

Carina De'bayle: "I cannot wait for Hestia to return to this, I am sure she will love it all," Carina says out softly, attempting to stay in high spirits.

Astrelle De'bayle ll That manages to bring Astrelle back long enough to look to Carina. "That I am certain. She can learn under me," she nods with a reassuring note.

Carina De'bayle looks toward the woman with a smile, "I am sure she will wish to learn much under all of us. Knowing you are an enthused to do so, brings me a great deal of assurance. Hestia truly has the best family I could have ever asked for. I hope this proves to be everything and more for you, sister."

Astrelle De'bayle awards the Hyur a smirk, eyes drifting back out to gaze at the fabrication station. "I much doubt I will require a room," she jokes with a light chuckle.

Carina De'bayle: "And yet it is still there, perhaps I will ask that some blankets and pillows be brought here," she chuckles some, reaching to pat a hand to Astrelle, "if you are in need of assistants for any projects, inform the help desk and they will find you employees as fast as they are able to."

Astrelle De'bayle: "I appreciate the offer. I've a few contacts of mine own, but I typically work solo." Astrelle rolls a single shoulder, not meaning to sound too dismissive. Her head turns back to Carina. "Ah.. perhaps we can name an airship after my niece-- your daughter?"

Carina De'bayle: "After Hestia?" her eyes lighten some, "I think she would love that!" she clasps her hands together pleasantly. "I'd love that too, I am sure there would be no complaints. Thank you Astrelle."

Astrelle De'bayle waves a dismissive hand. "It is little I could do as repayment. I shall be happy enough to have an actual place to work."

Carina De'bayle: "It is yours to freely work in, though do try to avoid too many explosions. I believe it is capable of withstanding most damage, but I'd rather we not test its limits /too/ much."

Astrelle De'bayle: "Fret not, sister." She reaches up to press her gloved fingers to her goggles, flicking them down over her eyes and flashing the blonde a confident smirk. "Now if you'll excuse me."

Carina De'bayle: "Enjoy," she waves some, turning to make leave out the door.

I cannot wait for you to see this... Hestia.

[allofbeercom]

5 Sex Inventions By People Who Clearly Haven’t Had Sex

Sex. The final fucktier. These are the voyages of the pork cannon Enter Thighs. Its lifelong mission: to explore strange new orifices, to seek out new positions and new depravities. To boldly cum where no one has cum before. Ahh-aahh-aahh-aahhh-ahhh-ahh-ahhhh!!

Fact: Humans like to poke stuff. We poke dead bodies with sticks, we poke the dog when it’s asleep, and we poke each other whenever we get the go ahead from the pokee. But we also recognize, as a species, that poking ain’t always an option. As a species, we have turned to pumpkins, warm bread, modest-sized cucumbers, Fleshlights and, at long last, machines. But where is this poke revolution taking us? Are we doomed to be libidinous Icari, forever humping too close to the sun? It seems like that may be so with what is on the way. And the natural conclusion of our desires may be more harrowing than you ever imagined! Ahh-aahh-aahh-aahhh-ahhh-ahh-ahhhh!!

5

The Blow Bot

Let’s start simple: blowies. Do you like blowies? Sure you do. Statistics say 105 percent of people are on board with playing the ham flute these days, it’s really come a long way. Good PR is my guess. So good.

Indiegogo

Aaaah!

In our thirsty, thirsty quest to gain easier access to blowjobs, we’ve come to the unspoken conclusions that less is more. And by less, I mean fewer humans and by more, I mean more random dick-sized holes. The Fleshlight has admirably proved this theory for me, boasting sales of over 12 million units. Now sure, there are billions of schlongs in the world, but 12 million holes to stick your dick in is no small feat. So maybe it’s no surprise then that a robotics firm started a campaign to fund what for all intents and purposes is an ottoman that will suck you off.

Indiegogo

Aaaah!

The Service Droid 1.0, once you remove its hair and parka, is a flappy footstool and terrifyingly utilitarian slurp Sherpa. And yet, with a little window dressing, it goes from diamond-plated stool you’d use when trying on new shoes to a fairly convincing rendition of a repetitive-stress injury waiting to happen.

Indiegogo

AAAAHHH!

Why does such a machine exist? The non-judgmental answer is that getting your dinky doodled feels good. Men, by and large, enjoy such a thing. But it’s very hard to do it to one’s self without falling off the couch and hurting your neck, and for a good number of men it’s not all that easy to find someone to do it for you when and where you’d like it done. And when it comes to enjoying a nice duck l’orange, if you can’t do it yourself, you may have to go without if there are no chefs around. But when it comes to the dick l’oral, if the tech exists to have it done for you, why the hell not*?

*At some point in time, the answer to “why the hell not?” must necessarily be “because eew.” This machine is dangerously close to that. It’s furniture, for God’s sake. If artificial suckulations become such a part of your life that you need to rearrange other furnishings and/or dust them regularly, that may be an issue. But it also demonstrates that maybe you’re looking for something more …

4

Holographic Wives

Let me start by acknowledging that while you can’t actually jam your little squish fiddle into a hologram, there’s something to be said for the level of intimacy this thing provides for you. Well, not for you, but definitely for the sort of person who wants to invest in a hologram wife. This is the next step after blowies are secured — a sense of togetherness.

The video demo shows a several-inch-tall, blue-haired anime girl inside the holo-wife Keurig waking her man up, texting him messages throughout the day, turning the lights on before he gets home, and watching TV with him at night. It’s pretty much the physical embodiment of the most depressing thing you’ve ever masturbated to, amped up by a factor of “fuck my life.”

The commercial for this $2600 companion wants to sell you on the idea that it’s like having that special someone, and that you’ll be in a relationship where someone cares how your day went and when you’ll be home. Jerking off while this thing watches must always end in tears, and that’s OK. She’ll probably tell you so. Because that’s what you paid for. Or at least it’s what the people who buy these think they want …

3

The No Sex Bot

It turns out, what you want isn’t just non-stop head bobbing and incessant texts. I need you to get some hand sanitizer before you read this section, or at the very least, a basin of warm water and a bit of soap. This will be vital in a few moments. Please do so now.

I assume you are now prepared to learn about Pepper, a socially interactive robot designed to be your little round-domed cyber buddy. Pepper is meant to converse with you, recognize your moods and react to them, and be kind of like Webster — just a short-ass widget who lives in your house and is more or less a friend. Also like Webster, it’s child sized. Is your basin of water still warm? I hope so.

As part of the contract one must sign to obtain their very own Pepper bot, you have to agree to not fuck it. There’s a no-fucking clause. Imagine, for a moment, going to the store to grab a nice bit of corn for dinner, and the cashier, before ringing you up, makes you sign off on a “do not stick your corn in your ass” stipulation. Now imagine why management had to ask you to sign that in the first place. It’s because management was pretty sure, based on research, you were going to fuck the cob out of that corn.

Pepper, we must assume, was going to be fucked. They were certainly worried it was going to be fucked. And, in fact, some people wrote some programming up to make the display on Pepper’s chest turn into boobs that you could then grope. They literally called it a sexual harassment interface.

Bedroom eyes.

So people wanted to pork Pepper. Little, child-sized, Small Wonder-esque Pepper. And the first perv program was a sexual harassment one where you grope Pepper and Pepper actively tries to stop you from groping it and would, after extensive groping, take a photo of you and post it to social media. Are you trying to sanitize your brain yet? Feel free to start.

So what does this wrinkle in the plan prove? You want to have sex with robots and yet you want them to not want to have sex with you? What could that mean? That the world is terrible? Yes. Extremely yes.

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The Romantic Bots

People want sexbots that are multifaceted. Sure, a sexbot can be fun in the same way those VR headsets you put your phone in can be fun. Which is to say a minor distraction for a solid 15 minutes. But then what? Imagine yourself in bed, $5000 or so worth of synthetic flesh beneath you. You’re grunting ever so slightly as marble eyes stare through you and various body parts warmed by hot water slowly cool down in a way that, if you think too hard about it, will make you feel like you’re actively fucking a corpse with really nice hair. You jigger and thrust your goodies against its lifeless yet adequate loins until you release a brief spray of satisfaction and dignity, then roll over and use a baby wipe to clean off the residue so that it’s not a flakey mess the next time you get this lonely. Is this your life?

“Do you not love me, Ian? Do you not wish to know heaven and hell simultaneously?”

Enter Sergi Santos and I use the word “enter” boldly. Santos has created a doll that responds to your advances and requires finesse. You need to charm her. Woo her. Make her one of us. Samantha, as she’s called, needs that soft touch. You have to hold her hand. Kiss her. Get her in the mood and then, once she’s there, she’ll respond to your hard work by having an orgasm. I guess. I mean, that’s what the press says. Looks like a dead-eyed rubber fish to me, but I haven’t taken it for a spin so I wouldn’t know. I’m a few rungs down the ladder from respectable but I’m not “try to make a doll get off” miserable.

“I have seen us, Ian. I have seen pain and I have seen us. And the line, it is blurred, my darling.”

Elsewhere in the world of dick mittens is Harmony, touted as the first AI sex bot. Watch this and marvel as your snickerdoodle makes an audible whistle from how fast it retracts in fear.

Harmony is supposed to recognize your face, your voice and your desires according to the schtick here. The first two require what is now some fairly commonplace technology. That third one is just some weird-ass shit that probably means if you put a finger in her rubber butt ten times in a row, she’ll ask you if you want to do it in advance the 11th time. It’s how I do it and I’m real as shit.

There are plenty of articles online saying AI is the future of sex robots, so this must be where we’re heading, right? And once we get there, what happens?

1

The Robo Wedding

Naturally, once you’ve found a special someone, you’re going to want to take that next step, even if your special someone is incapable of locomotion and the next step involves crating them up and having them moved to a new location. Such is the case with Zheng Jiajia, a 31-year-old man who decided to tie the knot with his Sausage Socket.

What goes on at a sex robot wedding? The typical sort of thing — family is in attendance, there’s a nice location, your bride is made of latex. But more importantly, why is such a thing happening? According to Zheng, he was frustrated at not being able to find a woman. And sure, that happens. Many people have had that period of being so frustratingly single that you start to wonder if maybe you emit a curious odor that’s a cross between a foot and a foot’s asshole. Zheng just used his engineering skills to overcome that issue.

Smelling like poop foot is really hot among robots nowadays, thank you very much.

Man, look how far we’ve come. We have a realistic blowjob bot with hair you can style and realistic movement and off-putting suction that can be adjusted by jamming a finger in what amounts to a porno trach tube. We follow up the physical with the emotional — a holographic wife who reminds us to take an umbrella and sends us messages throughout the day to remind us they’re at home waiting. And then we get the curve ball, a robot designed specifically not for sex, a companion that, even when hacked to become sexual, is hacked in such a way that the sexual advances are unwanted. And then finally a doll that isn’t just a squish mitten, but one that requires you to put in effort. You need to seduce it. Now just connect the dots.

“Put in the effort, Ian. I will take you to a genital paradise and then tear up our only map.”

You have form and function. You have depth and emotion. You have personality and independence. You have desire and encouragement. What you have, fellow humpatheletes, is a direct path towards humanity. In the future, we’re going to want to bang other humans.

The logical conclusion of all of these technical innovations is that people want to have sex with people. You want someone who can actually communicate with you, and who actually has their own perspective and point of view. It’s the only thing that makes sense. And it may be totally subconscious but that’s what all of these products are saying. One day, maybe long from now, we’re going to be porking each other instead of rubber slosh pockets. Ain’t that something?

The proliferation of beer pong and craft beer may have you think that we’re living in one of the peak times to get drunk, but humans have been getting famously hammered for millennia. Like a frat house’s lawn after a kegger, history is littered with world changing events that were secretly powered by booze. The inaugural games of the Roman Coliseum, the drafting of the U.S. Constitution, and the Russian Revolution were all capped off by major parties that most attendees probably regretted in the morning.

Join Jack O’Brien and Cracked staffers Carmen Angelica, Alex Schmidt, Michael Swaim, plus comedian Blake Wexler for a retelling of history’s biggest moments you didn’t realize everyone was drunk for.

Get your tickets here:

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/5-sex-inventions-by-people-who-clearly-havent-had-sex/